


Fuck Me Up

by Azure_Wavelet



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: :9, Fluff and Angst, M/M, forgot to add pidge, i guess, klance, sorry pidge, still love u, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 17:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7324714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azure_Wavelet/pseuds/Azure_Wavelet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off of <a href="http://velazyraptor.tumblr.com/post/146419808422/okay-but-consider-keith-pretending-to-be-lances">this</a> post on tumblr:<br/> <br/><a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/velazyraptor"><b>velazyraptor:</b></a></p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Okay but consider:  Keith pretending to be lance’s boyfriend to ruin lance’s attempts to flirt with aliens<br/></p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck Me Up

**Author's Note:**

> I did not proofread so feel free 2 point out mistakes

It was supposed to be a one time thing. Another mission, another girl for Lance to flirt with. The plan was simple: Keith pretends to be Lance's boyfriend behind his back so he doesn't get a date. It was the only foolproof way to ruin his barely-there love life. If Lance really wanted to fight, Keith was gonna fight, and oh, was he gonna win.

**I.**

"Are you wearing space pants, _chica?_ Because your butt is out of this world," Lance purred, sliding up next to his latest victim. The crew had stopped on a traveler-friendly planet for a rest stop, near a construction site, and really, no one could say that Lance wasn't an opportunist. The girl giggled, the antennae on her head swiveling around in amusement.  
"Nice one handsome, but are you sure you are not the one wearing these so-called space pants?" she threw back, and Lance lit up. Finally, somebody who was interested. He was sick of being ignored. Even when he wan't being ignored, he was being tied to trees, and that wasn't much better. As long as he stayed clear of the whole Intergalactic Savior thing, he should be clear of flirtatious thieves.  
"So, uh, do you know what Voltron is?" Haha. Like he could pass up this opportunity.  
"Yes, my parents told me tales about it in the past. Why do you ask?"  
"I'm the blue paladin. For the blue lion. You know, the leg, always holding up the team, haha. No big deal."  
"You lie!"  
"No, baby, I don't. If you want, I can go ask if I can take you on a ride? I would just go, but Shiro's been a bit strict lately. Completely unnecessary, I assure you. Anyway, we could get to know each other better, if you catch my drift."  
"Of course! I would surely enjoy going on a ride with you! Oh, how exciting! I can hardly wait." Oh yeah. Lance totally had this in the bag.

Keith waited for Lance to make his way back to the ship before setting his plan in motion. He walked over to the tent the girl Lance was talking to was standing under and tapped her on the shoulder, twisting his face into something upbeat and friendly.  
"Saw you were talking to Lance. He's a cute little thing, isn't he? He's always excited to make new friends."  
"Yes, he is quite... enthusiastic."  
"Right?" Keith leaned in conspiratorially. "Especially in bed. Hehe, but don't tell him I told you that, alright? He's my boyfriend, but that doesn't mean he'll go easy on me, you know?" At this point the girl had flushed a bright green, starkly contrasted against her blue skin. Her expression was borderline murderous. Keith decided that yeah, maybe now was a good time to quit it. Maybe he'd laid it on a bit thick. Just a bit. He swaggered back to the ship, leaning smugly on the side and watching, with the utmost satisfaction, as Lance was left staggering with a red cheek and a bruised ego while the girl stormed away. Mission accomplished.

**II.**

Keith wasn't going to make this a regular thing. No, it was just revenge for Lance's incessant jabbering and insults. Totally just revenge. Totally.  
This time, he found his chance to mess around before Lance had talked to any of the girls at the alien-restaurant-bar-thing yet. Keith could see Lance staring though, overtly ogling the prettiest of a specific group near the entrance. One could see him searching for the right time to introduce himself just by looking at him. So, Keith did the only thing he could and made a beeline for her, striking up a conversation and jumping in at the right time to talk about Lance.  
"Don't look now, but you see that guy in the blue over there? He's my boyfriend." Keith took a little pride in how most of the group wilted a bit at that. "Isn't he just adorable? With that face, I'm surprised everybody's not all over him. He took me out for a date here once, that's when we started dating. He was so shy, it was just the cutest thing."  
"I had a boyfriend too. We just broke up, a few weeks ago, I think. We'd been together for a few years before I caught him cheating on me... anyway, enough about me, how long have you two been dating?"  
"Oh, it's a recent thing. Tonight it'll be... " Keith hesitated. "three months. We came here to celebrate."  
"Aw, so cute! But before we talk any more, I think someone over there wants to get your attention." She pointed to somewhere over his shoulder with a spindly finger. Keith turned around and saw Hunk, seated at a table and frantically waving his arms.  
"Looks like I've gotta go. It was nice meeting you."  
"Yeah, you too! Have fun with your friends and good luck tonight... be safe! Haha!" Keith just smiled, puzzled at her words but done with their conversation. He'd done his part. He walked over to Hunk and slid in the booth opposite him. Hunk mumbled something about trying the menu but not having anybody to do it with. Keith almost started to argue (What did he mean there was nobody to do it with? He had three other perfectly good teammates a few feet away.) but instead just agreed, thankful for the perfect excuse to get out of his situation. The stomachache and the urge to tap dance was all worth it when Lance slid into the booth across from him, looking confused and slightly hurt. Keith felt a pang of guilt at that, but it was buried under the mirth he felt. There was a German word for what he was feeling, he was sure of it. Schaden... freude? Yes, that was it. Schadenfreude. That was it, so why couldn't Keith shake the feeling that it was something else entirely?  
"Hey, Lance. What happened to that lady you were talking to earlier?" Hunk asked, turning to face Lance. Something told Keith it was more out of obligation than anything else.  
"I'm not... sure? She said I was cute and wished me good luck for tonight. Then she walked away after whispering 'go get it tiger.' I'm... really confused. _Que._ "  
Keith could barely contain his smile. He'd had his fun, but that was enough. Sabotaging Lance's life was just a two-time thing. _Not_ a regular thing. Not. At. All.

It became a regular thing.

**III.**

At this point, Keith had his and Lance's ostensible life together committed to memory. They'd met in school, became rivals, confessed after some life-threatening situation had almost killed them (having Lance be the one to confess first gave Keith a false feeling of victory), and got together. Simple, but it did the job. And speaking of the job, it was his time to shine. Lance disappeared in the crowd of a party hosted in their honor to get a drink for the neon orange lady he was currently hitting on. Really, Lance? Neon orange? Keith shook his head and walked over to her, skipping small talk and an introduction entirely in favor of getting to the point. After doing this a couple of times, he didn't have the patience for small talk.  
"Saw you talking to Lance. Real cute, isn't he?"  
"Um, yeah. Sure."  
"Excuse me for bragging, but he's my boyfriend."  
"Oh. What do you find interesting in a... loser like him?" Ouch. The lady slid closer and purred in his ear, "What does he have that I don't?" A feeling was stirring in Keith's gut.  
"Why would you ever hang out with somebody like that? His lines are trash and his personality is garbage." Keith recognized it as anger. "And he looks like a walking stick. How does anybody find that attractive? Especially with that hair." And that was what pushed Keith over the edge. He whirled on the lady, pushing her farther away and jabbing a finger at her face.  
"Lance is _not_ a loser." She flinched. "He is a _kind_ man, and sure he can be a bit flirty sometimes, which bothers me, and you know what? _I_ find his long legs attractive. He might be a little lanky but that's hot as _fuck_ , ok? And don't get me started on that hair. Do you know how many times I've daydreamed about that hair? And oh, boy. When he speaks Spanish sometimes? _Jesus Christ_. The point is, Lance is hot as _shit_ and you're an idiot for not seeing that. If I see you so much as look at him I'll rip your head off!" Keith ended his tirade, breathing heavily and dropping his hand to his side. The girl looked terrified, and she scuttled away the moment Keith stopped talking. He ran a hand through his hair frustratedly, and turned around to look for Lance... who was staring right at him with wide eyes.  
"Keith—" He started, but Keith pushed roughly past him, heart threatening to rip out of his chest.  
"Not now, Lance." His face was burning. He pushed his way past the crowd, mumbling a small "I'm tired" when Shiro gave him a questioning look. He made his way into the castle, walking straight to his bedroom and flopping down on it, face down.  
He had a lot to think about. He'd meant every word of what he'd said back there, and that scared him a lot. It wasn't him acting or anything, it was him genuinely standing up for Lance... and a little bit extra, too. Keith definitely felt happy when Lance got turned down, but maybe it was for a completely different reason than he thought. It was because he was jealous. Not jealous because Lance's game was better than his. It was because Keith had a crush on Lance. A big, fat crush. And now that he admitted it, he felt horrified. A little bit relieved, but _horrified_. Of course Keith had to go and crush on the only womanizer in a crew of six other people. Yeah he was cute. Really hot. Unbearably sexy. But... really? Keith's face was still overheating. He flopped over, taking a big gulp of air before pulling the sheets over himself. He ran a hand through his hair. He could think about this in the morning. No point in stressing _now_ about a problem that would still be there later.  
He would've slept. If it wasn't for a barrage of pounds on his door.

**IV.**

The door hissed open to reveal a disheveled Keith, looking harried. His hair was sticking up everywhere. The moment he saw Lance, he tried to close the door, but Lance grabbed his wrist before he could press the button. He pushed into the room, making Keith take a few steps back.  
"Have you been the one sabotaging my dates?" He said, jumping right to the point.  
"They're not exactly dates, you know? More like—"  
"Are you the one?"  
"...Yeah." Keith looked down at the floor.  
"And you couldn't have done it better than pretending to be my _boyfriend_?" Keith's head snapped up.  
"How did you know about that?"  
"I hunted down Galiana and made her tell me what you guys were talking about. I knew _something_ was up. And looky here. I was right."  
"I... I'm sorry?" Keith was flushed all the way to the tip of his ears, and damn if he didn't look absolutely adorable right then.  
"I'll forgive you, but only if you do one thing for me."  
"What?" He asked, hands fidgeting with the bottom of his shirt.  
"Kiss me." Keith froze. Lance walked towards him, forcing him back a few steps. Lance cornered him against the wall, slamming his hands down on either side so Keith couldn't escape.  
"I... what? I-I don't..." He spluttered, blush spreading beneath his shirt.  
"Oh, hush. I heard everything you said. You like my long legs, huh?" Lance shoved his knee up between Keith's legs. He whimpered, and oh, Lance didn't think he could live without hearing that sound again.  
"And my hair, huh? Well, I've gotta say, as much as I tease ya for it, yours isn't half bad either." He guided one of Keith's hands to the back of his neck. Lance leaned forward to brush his lips against his ear. "And when I speak Spanish, oh, I wasn't expecting that from _you_ of all people, Keith." He shivered. " _Bésame, mi amor._ " And before he could pull away completely, the hand on the back of his neck was tightening and pulling him closer into a kiss, rough and careless. Lance bit down on Keith's bottom lip and he whined, hand moving up and tangling in Lance's hair. Lance moaned, and Keith took advantage of his open mouth to slip his tongue in. Lance gasped in surprise. When the two parted, both were flushed and panting.  
" _Te amo._ I'm not sure you feel the same though." Keith groaned.  
"Don't make me say it." Despite his red face, he managed to sound disapproving.  
"Say what? I won't know until you tell me," Lance said innocently.  
"Fine." There was silence for a few seconds, which stretched into a few minutes.  
"I'm waiting."  
"...I. I love you."  
"Love you, too. Even if you show affection in a weird way. At least now you won't have to fake it, right?" Lance pulled Keith flush against him and reveled in the resulting breath hitch. "Will you go out with me you nut?" Keith buried his face in Lance's neck, just because he could, and mumbled something into it.  
"Can't hear you." Lance teased.  
"Yes! I said yes. Now kiss me, you dumbass." Keith pulled Lance in again and smiled against his lips.  
"I love you."

**V.**

Keith was engaged in conversation with a magenta alien with ridiculously long arms when she got a devious look in her eyes.  
"Ya see that guy over there?" She said, pointing to Lance. "Isn't he just a cutie pie? I was thinkin' of maybe talkin' to him."  
And Keith got a ridiculously warm feeling in his chest when he got to say "Yeah, he is cute. I have to think that, since he's my boyfriend and all."

**VI.**

It was later when Keith thought of something important. He was sitting on Lance's bed, reading a book, when Lance came out of the bathroom he was taking a shower in. Keith took one look at him and blurted out "I thought you were straight?"  
Lance guffawed loudly and laid down on his bed, draping himself over Keith's lap.  
"You worry about that _now_ , dude? After I literally ravished you and asked you out?"  
"It was just a question!"  
"Yeah, well. It was a dumb one. The reason I used to hit on so many girls was because I realized I had a very gay crush on my arch nemesis and I thought that hooking up with a girl would take the gay out of me. So I wouldn't have to suffer everyday knowing I'd never be able to touch that glorious hair."  
"Since when?"  
"...the Garrison." Lance admitted reluctantly.  
"Shit, man! That long?" Keith carded his fingers through Lance's hair.  
"I can't help that you're so beautiful. I mean, look at that scowl. Daddy."  
"Shut up." His harsh tone was belied by his red face. Lance rolled over and threw his arms around Keith's neck.  
"I love you, you know that?" And Keith's face was fond and soft when he replied "I know." 

**Author's Note:**

> thank u [vel](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/vel0cit-y) 4 helping with the title,, what a pal  
> this fic gave me heartburn,,,  
> Translations:  
> chica = girl  
> que = what  
> bésame, mi amor = kiss me, my love  
> te amo = I love you  
>  _Edit 7/27/16:_ I'm fuckign dead I didn't think this would be so well received :'))))))


End file.
